Chapter 7

And I don’t wanna possess you,
I don’t wanna take his place.
But I don’t wanna see my last few pleasures,
Written all over his face

Ianto had gone back to the Hub, ignored questions about Jack and finished up his work in time to leave promptly at eight that evening, thanks to a remarkably quiet Rift. He hadn’t answered any of Tom’s questions about work or Jack and had spent the evening watching films curled up on the sofa with his partner.

He’d slept very little during the night, but had managed to stay away from the Hub this time. Eventually, after as long as he could manage, he shook Tom awake and started getting ready for work. Together, they showered and dressed, Ianto trying to ignore the haphazard way Tom carried out his morning routines. It reminded him too much of Jack and he was avoiding thoughts of the other man as much as possible.

Tom on the other hand, knew that something must’ve happened at work, he could sense Ianto’s agitation. It was blatantly obvious from how quiet the young man had been since he’d returned. He was just glad that he’d be there today to see what was happening for himself.

It was around nine in the morning when Tom and Ianto arrived for work, meeting Tosh and Gwen on the plass as they all made their way to the Tourist Office. They chatted happily as they made their way into the Hub and Ianto went straight to the coffee machine to fix them all a cup of coffee. Tom went over to his desk and threw himself down into the seat, opening up the spreadsheet he was almost finished working on.

Jack was standing in the boardroom, watching everyone from behind the blinds, hoping no one would notice him. He sighed heavily to himself as he watched Ianto move gracefully among the others, handing out coffees to the two women before making his way over to Tom, a happy smile on the other man’s face as Ianto passed him his mug.

Jack watched silently as Tom pulled Ianto towards him by the waist, hugging him as Ianto stroked his hair gently. It was an intimate moment that Jack felt like he was intruding on, but he couldn’t bring himself to drag his eyes away. That should be me, he thought, that should be me holding Ianto.

He sighed heavily again and forced himself to turn around and leave the room, heading out onto the walkway. When he looked around, he found Ianto heading towards him, his usual striped mug in the young man’s hand. Jack forced a tight smile onto his face and took the mug with a curt nod, trying to ignore the spark that shot through him as Ianto’s fingers brushed his own.

Ianto replied in the same forced manner and left to head down to the archives, Jack heading off to his office. It was going to be a long, hard day.

*

Jack survived the morning rather well, not having to encounter any of the other team members due to a rather ugly video conference with the Prime Minister and the head honcho at UNIT. At some point, Owen had arrived and silently slipped into his usual work role, probably due to a hangover.

As the smell of freshly cooked pizza drifted into his office, Jack chanced a look outside, his heart clenching at the sight of Tom and Ianto standing so close together in the kitchen area, Tom taking a bite of the slice Ianto was offering him. Without noticing him, the other two separated and headed over to the area behind Tosh’s desk.

Jack took a few, hesitant steps forwards before he felt the persistent grip of the young Japanese woman on his elbow. She guided him to the coffee table and forced him to sit down on one of the desk chairs that had been pulled up. Jack looked at the pizza and felt a sudden lack of hunger. It was surprising, seeing as Ianto and Tom were making eyes at each other across the low table.

Somehow, Jack knew it was unintentional, he recognised the look of pure happiness on Tom’s face. It was a look he knew he’d worn on some occasions before his trip, a look that couldn’t be helped. It was something as natural as breathing and Jack wished desperately that he could have it back. It was that look that clarified three things in his mind as he chewed a slice of pizza slowly.

One: he really was in love with Ianto, more than he ever had been before. He was sure of it this time, which was what made things so much more painful. Two: Tom was in love with the young man as well, it was obvious. From the look in his eyes and the content smile on his lips, it was obvious. Three: Jack couldn’t get in the way of whatever the two men had. No matter what claim he felt he had on Ianto, he couldn’t act on it. He couldn’t have Ianto back, not now.

His stomach churned with a mixture of feelings; guilt, grief and disgust forming a powerful and heady potion that forced him to stop eating and excuse himself.

“Damn it’s hot in here.” Jack sighed and stood up, rolling up his shirt sleeves and trying to ignore the looks from the others. “I thought I’d fixed that climate control, obviously not.”

He glanced around and noted that everyone was dressed for the change in temperature, even Owen. Checking his wrist strap to gauge the temperature, he found that it had reached almost twenty eight degrees Celsius, much too hot.

“I’m going to go see if there’s anything I can do before we have Myfanwy fainting from heat stroke or freezing to death in her sleep.” Without a backwards glance, Jack headed off to the room that housed the complex computer system.

*

Several hours after Jack had disappeared, Ianto ventured down to the room he knew he would find the Captain in. If he was honest, he’d noticed the varying temperatures; the too cool air in Myfanwy’s nest, the humid heat in Janet’s block of cells and Jack’s office and the general fluctuations in temperature around the workstations.

The young man carried a cup of coffee in one hand, silently wondering how awkward this interaction would be. He finally reached the half open door and pushed it a little more so he could walk through. He was met with the sight of Jack lying on his back, half of his torso underneath one of the sections, a screwdriver in his hand as he grunted in frustration.

“Anything I can help with, sir?” Ianto asked politely, half amused at the sight of the Captain actually trying to do maintenance. Unfortunately, Ianto had been a little too quiet on his approach and the startled Jack whacked his head off the underside of the console in surprise. He groaned loudly as he pulled himself out and sat up, rubbing his forehead gently.

“Not really, Ianto… But thanks.” Jack reached out to take the coffee being offered and took a large mouthful, sighing in appreciation. “God, Ianto, this is just what I needed. It’s like you’re psychic or something, you always seem to know what I want.”

Jack looked up at the young man, his expression sincere. Ianto met his eyes for a brief, blissful moment before looking away, feeling a flush creep onto his cheeks, half in pleasure at the compliment, half in embarrassment at the inappropriateness of the situation.

“You’re welcome, sir.” Ianto smiled briefly and put his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do with himself. Jack just sat and drank his coffee, enjoying the momentary feeling of normality. Once he’d finished, he stood up and stepped towards Ianto, holding the mug out slightly. Ianto reached forwards and took it, their fingers brushing together briefly.

The momentary touch was enough to send thrills through both men, their hands pulling away sharply as they tried to forget what had happened. Jack was the first to look up, intrigued and hungry to see Ianto’s eyes again. When the young man looked up, the expression glowing in the stormy blue depths made Jack move just a little closer.

Ianto felt the heightened emotions mingle with the smell of Jack in the warm room, his body swaying forwards slightly, uncontrollably. His lips were incredibly close to Jack’s when he recovered the use of his limbs, but he couldn’t pull away from the feeling of Jack’s warm breath on his lips, so close to where he suddenly wanted to be.

No matter how intoxicated Ianto was, Jack felt the same. He was only managing to stop himself from closing the gap by sheer force of will. He wanted so badly to reach up and pull the young man towards him that his hands twitched impatiently. Finally though, a soft hum from one of the machines behind them broke the moment, shattering the atmosphere like a pane of glass under a mallet.

“I should- I should go, work to do.” Ianto stammered, twisting away and hurrying from the room. Jack sighed wistfully, his shoulders slumping forwards as he savoured the brief sensation of Ianto’s breath on his skin. Remembering the feel wasn’t helping him in his quest to let Ianto go.

With a groan of annoyance, he rubbed his eyes again and dropped to the floor, crawling under the consoles again to bury himself in more maintenance. He had to try and get the young man out of his head, once and for all.