Chapter 2

I still don’t believe it,
How much we lied.
Last night you made it with him,
How I’m supposed to be dignified
Just like a man

Strolling across the Hub, Jack headed to the kitchen area, where he could see Ianto with his back to the rest of the base. Knowing that he should give the man some space, Jack managed to stop himself from sneaking up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. Instead, he stopped and leaned back on the counter a few feet away from him.

“Was there something you needed, sir?” Ianto asked, his eyes still fixed on the coffee machine as he produced another cup of coffee.

“You…” Jack murmured, mostly to himself. When Ianto snapped his head around to look at him wearily, Jack hastily tried to cover his tracks. “I mean, I needed you to help me catch up on the paperwork I’ve missed. Maybe after work, when everyone’s gone home?”

Ianto looked back at the coffee machine, avoiding the hopeful look on Jack’s face. The captain felt something twist unpleasantly at the drawn out silence, the flush that was slowly appearing on Ianto’s cheeks. Under any other circumstances, it would be enough to make Jack want to devour the young man. Now, it just seemed wrong.

“Sorry, sir… I can’t tonight.” Jack felt a lump rise in his throat at Ianto’s reply and he swallowed hard as he thought up something to say.

“It’s okay… We can get it done during work hours, I’m sure,” was all Jack could think of. His stomach had dropped through his intestines and was currently residing around his knees. When Ianto turned to look at him apologetically, he forced a smile and abruptly changed the subject. “So, Thomas. What’s he like?”

“Tom’s one of the good guys.” Ianto was back to watching the coffee machine, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “He’s a good worker, he’s trying to order everything so that UNIT won’t need to investigate our finances again.”

“Fair enough.” Jack folded his arms across his chest and stared at the floor. “What’s he like as a person?”

“He’s nice.” There’s that smile again… Jack thought as he watched Ianto work, still feeling a little uneasy. “He’s friendly, gets along with everyone – even Owen. He works hard, though he’s only here three days a week. He doesn’t get in the way, he’s helpful when it comes to cleaning up after everyone. He’s one of the good guys.”

Ianto looked back up at Jack, smiling at him gently. Jack forced another smile in return and shifted a little to make himself more comfortable. There was one more thing he needed to talk to Ianto about, but it was going to be hard for him to say it. He’d been debating for the entire return journey what he should say, but it eluded him now.

Of all the things in the universe, the one thing that scares me is the thought of Ianto rejecting me. I wonder why that is, he mused to himself, but still, he deserves this, he deserves things to be done properly this time. With that thought fixed in his head, he focussed on Ianto and cleared his throat to try and suppress his nerves a little.

“How are you, Ianto?” Ianto looked up in surprise, his hand hovering over the lever of the coffee machine as he began the last cup. Jack just looked at him earnestly.

“All the better for having you back, sir.” He turned back to the coffee machine, another blush colouring his pale cheeks. This one didn’t make Jack feel strange, so he took the chance to enjoy the sight.

“Look, I was wondering, whilst I was away… Well, I was thinking maybe we could go to dinner and talk things over.” Jack felt himself becoming increasingly uncomfortable and silently cursed the Welshman for having this affect on him. He wasn’t used to feeling any less than extremely confident in the face of a potential partner, but Ianto had always been different. There’d always been something about him that made Jack feel like a schoolboy, falling in love for the first time.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Ianto looked at him again, incredulous this time. Jack just shrugged.

“Sure… You interested?” His heart was racing in his chest and he could feel his palms heating up as the silence from Ianto stretched out again. He was frowning at the coffee machine again, his hand stationary on the lever as he stopped his work, out of which emotion, Jack couldn’t tell.

“Not at the moment, Jack.” Ianto pulled the lever down and finished the drink, avoiding Jack’s eyes as the older man dropped them to the floor, a feeling of hurt and embarrassment washing over him. He didn’t even register that the young man had used his name. ‘Not at the moment’… well that’s painfully clear, Jack thought, fighting back the urge to run away and skulk in his office.

“I’ve got to go get an update on the Rift side of my absence from Tosh. Then I’ll make a start on my paperwork… I’ll call you in if I need you.” Jack looked up as he made an excuse for himself and nodded, another forced smile on his lips as he turned away and walked back to Tosh’s desk with a well faked air of relaxation. He didn’t want Ianto to see what a mess he suddenly was.

Jack hastily started up a conversation with Tosh in which he'd onyl need to be a passive participant, listening avidly as she ran through the data she'd collected over the past month. A couple of minutes later, Ianto dropped off the coffee for them both before heading off to distribute the rest. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack watched Ianto move around the workstations before heading off to the archives. Despite the fact that Tosh was in the middle of explaining something to him, he quickly excused himself and headed to his office.

Sitting down at his desk, he quickly pulled up the live CCTV footage of the archives, tracking Ianto as he headed down through the maze of corridors into one of the more recent vaults. He watched as the young man took the coffees into the room and handed one to the other man in there, Thomas. There were a few minutes of them talking – a conversation he couldn’t hear – before Tom took the mug Ianto was holding out for him.

He took a long mouthful of the drink and turned to Ianto again, a huge grin on his face before pulling him down by the front of his shirt and kissing him. It wasn’t a quick, playful kiss that could’ve been just a little too friendly, it was the kind of kiss Jack would’ve given the young man once upon a time. The kind of kiss that staked your claim over the other person. The kind of kiss you gave to a lover as a taster for the night to come.

Jack looked away from the screen, shutting the monitor off with a jerk of his finger, determined not to see any more of the interaction. The unpleasant feeling in his chest and spread through his limbs as he felt something blow a hole through him, the edges of the wound burning like acid on broken skin, forcing the air from his lungs. He fought the urge to throw up, cry and hit something all at the same time.

“Jack?” He snapped his head up, unable to cover the dark look in his eyes and the glower on his face in time. Gwen looked at him in shock, her eyes wide and her brow furrowed.

“What?” He snapped in reply, suddenly not in the mood to be near anyone else.

“It doesn’t matter… It can wait.” She hurriedly left the room and Jack jumped up, walking to the door and slamming it shut, the wood rattling precariously on it’s hinges as it absorbed the full brunt of his anger.

What did you expect? A voice rung in his ears clearly, from the depths of his subconscious. You disappear for a month and you expected him to wait? When he had no idea whether you were coming back or not? When you’d never told him how much he meant to you before you left? You deserved to lose him...

It doesn't mean I have to like it, a second part of him growled back in reply as Jack shook his head violently, trying to displace the words. He slumped back down into his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing up his eyes as he tried to lock away the memory of Ianto and Tom.

After several minutes of recounting a long list of Torchwood weaponry, he felt his anger was reined in enough for him to start doing some of the paperwork sitting on his desk. He pulled a file towards him and flipped it open, grabbing a pen and gritting his teeth as he began to read. The monotonous tone of the reports soon numbed his mind, making it a little easier to breathe.